May 2nd: Healing

It’s 6:15 am. I couldn’t sleep any longer and the sheets became uncomfortable, so here I am, listening to the clock tick by while sipping some lemon water. A few moments ago, before running upstairs to grab my computer, I sat here in the silence with my eyes closed and bowed my head. 

Thank you.

I am beginning to see everything clearly. Visions of my future, the wisdom that I hold, and how I finally have a full understanding of the way this life works. Truly, I have life figured out. You see, God places desires in us so that he can fulfill them. It is our job to discover what those desires are. The way to do this is by following your inner wisdom and your intuition. It’s really that simple. 

Now, the process of uncovering the voice and then developing the strength to pursue it at all times, can be very ugly and extremely challenging. You have to face demons you don’t even know you have. You have to strip yourself of everything you thought you knew and start from nothing. In my case, literally nothing. No money, no friends, no food, no sound… All I have left is what’s in my head, and that dictates which direction I will go. The only direction I want to go is toward the light. 

I’ve developed an entirely new view on the world. Right this moment, I can fully appreciate the sound of the ticking clock, the soft feather like touch of Kitty’s tail against my cheek, the sweet taste of lemon water, and the simple beauty of my plant, bringing a sense of calm to the room. I can take steady breath, in and out, without having to think twice. Even typing these words, the sound of the keyboard creates a pleasant symphony with the clock. Writing is something I couldn’t seem to engage in just a few days ago. But now that I have been stripped down to nothing, I am finding the inspiration I needed to think clearly. The answer was silence. 

Last night as I was drifting off into sleep with earplugs snug in my ear, I could easily distinguish the difference between my right and left ear. In the left ear, I could her one steady ‘hmmm’ tone. It was low and even. In my right ear, I heard several tones firing off at once. It sounded more like an AOL dialup, or the sound of tuning into the radio. They were high pitches that were uneven and loud. But beneath those high pitches was the same low pitch that was in my left ear. I had to dig around to find it, but it was there. Okay, I thought. Now if I can just focus all of my energy and attention on that low tone, visualize those two tones from either ear connecting through my brain via light, and light connecting to source, maybe I can restore this imbalance.

This morning when I awoke, the tones matched. Both ears, steady and low, one tone. As of yesterday, every time I brought attention to my right ear I would feel the sensation of a droplet of water leaking into my ear. Whatever this sensation actually was, I’m not sure. But it was uncomfortable, and it would happen at the very thought of the injury. This morning, I focused all of my attention on that ear… and no uncomfortable feelings! Was I really healed? I have yet to test my hearing in the car or with headphones, I think I’d like to continue to pursue this cleanse of silence, but the sound of the clock ticking does not pierce my ear the way it did before. So far, everything seems to be restored. 

Today I am embarking on a water fast. I woke up hungry, in fact I think my hunger is what made me so uncomfortable in bed, so it’s not going to be easy. I am questioning whether or not to pursue it to be honest. 

*5 minutes later*

Okay I just did some research on fasting and it appears that the stomach grumbles I am experiencing are okay and normal. True hunger pains, and the honest bodily signal that it’s time to eat again, actually comes on as a sensation in the throat and mouth. I read that after the first three days of fasting (which I was only planning on doing three, but perhaps I will extend), you stop feeling any hunger pangs. Then, once your body is ready for food, you will feel distinctive pains like you’ve never experienced before. This is where you introduce diluted juice back into your diet. I will probably juice for about 5-10 days after the fast is over, depending on how long the fast goes and whether or not juicing resolves my hunger. Bring on Ketosis!